I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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