Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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