This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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