Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
