Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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