if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
