One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
