is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
