Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
