the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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