Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
