remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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