I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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