Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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