Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
