So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
