I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
