my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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