when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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