You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
