I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
