I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
