You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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