Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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