The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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