I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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