Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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