I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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