she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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