I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
