Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
