I cockslap morals
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
