He is an equal opportunity slut.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
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