I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
