how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do vagina's smell?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
