Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
