and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
