I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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