You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
