Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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