I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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