Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
