do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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