Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
