I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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