Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And then he peed in my hair
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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