Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
