trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
