Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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