Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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