You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
