A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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